Stir Crazy Strip Club Review – Pinecrest, FL.

Last week I had the chance to visit Stir Crazy located at 12425 S. Dixie Hwy, Miami, FL 33156. I was really excited about reviewing this club because it is one of the few strip clubs I still had not visited in Miami and it also happened to be St. Patrick’s Day so I was sure it was going to be a goodnight. Unfortunately, I did not have the luck of the Irish on my side that night because my visit to Stir Crazy was not a pleasant one.

The first thing I noticed when I got there was the fact that the parking lot was extremely small and they had no valet service. I don’t want to sound like a little bitch, but now a days just about every respectable strip club or night club offers valet service. No biggie, valet service is not a deal breaker. Once I got inside (once again not trying to sound like a little bitch) the place was small and didn’t seem all too clean and neither did the strippers. I looked around for the hottest dancer and after giving up I asked the drunk guy that was sitting next to me at the bar, who the hottest dancer was. He pointed at a girl that I would consider average at best. Most of the girls here reminded me of the girls you could find at Porky’s or Pink Pussy Cat. If you are familiar with these clubs you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. Needless to say, I saw everything I had to see in 45 minutes and then, I was out the door.

I wish I had better things to say but unfortunately I don’t. I give this club a 2 out of 10 stars and hope that this club does a 360 ASAP for the good of the club and it’s loyal customers. Make sure you stay tuned in every week for the latest strip club reviews. If you want me to review your club, or have suggestions for my next strip clubs review, just leave me a comment. Remember to "Never cry over spilled milk. It could've been whiskey."

Strip Clubs in the Day Time: Best Day Time Shifts and Happy Hours in S. Florida

A common misconception is that strip clubs in the daytime provide the worse of the worse when it comes to strippers and in most cases I would agree with you, but there is a chosen few that I have come across that even in the daytime offer a good line up of hot dancers, good food and good music. These places are great for business lunches or if you just have a couple of hours to blow during the day. Check them out for your selves and let me know what you think:




 

• Tootsies Cabaret (Miami Gardens, FL)
• Playmates Club (Coral Gables, FL)
• Club Cheetahs (Hallandale, FL)
• Booby Trap (Doral, FL)
• PT’s (Hialeah Gardens, FL)
• Scarlett’s (Hallandale, FL)
• Gold Rush (Miami, FL)
• Pink Pony (Doral, FL)
• BT's Gentleman's Club (South Miami, FL)
• Diamond Dolls (Pompano Beach, FL)

The 10 clubs I mentioned above are my top choices for daytime tipping or for happy hour in S. Florida. To all the strip clubs that didn’t make the cut, don’t take this as a diss but more like motivation to work harder to make your day time shift better. As for my readers, keep visiting my blog every week as I will be posting individual reviews of the night shift for all the clubs mentioned above. Till next time, in the words of my by boy DJ MIKE: “Don’t drink and drive because you might spill your drink”

Lap Dance Etiquette; What's a Lap Dance, What to Expect from a Lap Dance, and Lap Dance rules.

Lap Dance (Lap.dance): An erotic dance performed on a couch or chair by a naked or topless dancer where straddling, grinding and dancing in a sexual manner occurs over the customers lap.

A lap dance is the closest thing to sex at the strip club with a stripper. The key word of my previous statement would be CLOSEST. Like close but no cigar. I’m not saying that you won’t come across random dancers at random strip clubs that may be willing to pleasure you for a price you later negotiate behind a curtain in the VIP room. But trust me my friends, no matter how tempting this may sound, any kind of sex at a strip club with a stripper that provides sexual favors for money might not be the best thing for your health. If sex is what you’re looking for, the strip club is the wrong place to look for it and even less the wrong place to have it.

Are you still on board for a lap dance? OK, let’s move forward. Before you decide to get a lap dance find out what the strip club or THE HOUSE charges for a lap dance. This is a flat rate that is set up by the strip club or HOUSE and this rate applies for all the strippers. No one stripper should charge you more for a lap dance than another, so if a stripper tries to charge you more than what the HOUSE rate is please make sure that she knows that you know the rates and you’re not a “sucker”. (TIP: DON’T GET CLASSIFIED AS A SUCKER) Later on we’ll get a little more in detail about what strippers consider a “sucker”.

All strip clubs have more or less the same rates when it comes to lap dances. Rates can vary from $25 all the way up to $50 per lap dance. Always keep in mind, that the lap dance fee only covers one song, any additional songs after the first song are an additional $25 or whatever the lap dance fee is for that club. DO NOT EXPECT THE STRIPPER TO TELL YOU WHEN THE SONG IS OVER, THE MOST YOU’LL GET FROM HER, IF YOUR LUCKY IS “DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP GOING?” NOT “DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP GOING FOR AN ADDITIONAL $50 PER SONG.” Take my first strip club experience as an example; I see scenarios constantly. A guy goes in for 1 dance, lets the girl dance 5 songs and know owes $125.00 in lap dances! The guy is now upset at the club, upset at the dancer, and feels cheated out of his money. He now has to pay for the dances or refuse and most probably get the crap kicked out of him at the hands of a bouncer or bouncers. Do not let this happen to you. (TIP: DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK THE DANCERS OR STAFF QUESTIONS, YOUR SILENCE MAY END UP COSTING YOU MONEY OR IN WORSE CASES A BLACK EYE.)

Last but not least there are the rules set forth by the club for lap dances. Lap dance rules are usually the same for all strip clubs. Following these rules will secure you not getting thrown out of the club or in worse cases getting the crap kicked out of you for getting out of line. Below’s a list of the most common and most important rules when it comes to lap dances.

-DO NOT ASK FOR A LAP DANCE IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY FOR IT.

-BE RESPECTFUL WITH THE DANCERS AT ALL TIMES.

-THE DANCER CAN TOUCH YOU BUT YOU CANNOT TOUCH THE DANCERS. BY TOUCHING I MEAN:

NO GRABBING, NO LICKING, NO MOTOR BOATING, NO SUCKING OR BITING THE DANCERS.

-KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON AT ALL TIMES

-DO NOT EXPOSE URSELF TO THE DANCERS, (KEEP IT IN YOU PANTS, BUDDY!!)

-THERE ARE NO REFUNDS.

So far we’ve gone over what a lap dance is, what to expect from a lap dance, the pricing of a lap dance and the House rules for a lap dance. Now let’s talk about the stripper, erotic dancer or whatever else you want to call them that you choose to get the lap dance from. Don’t let your genitals fool you, “The stripper that you’re most attracted to might be and might not be the best choice for your lap dance.” What do I mean by that, well from my experience some strippers are more GIVING than others. By giving I mean that even though the HOUSE RULES are no touching, some strippers might let you get away with more than others will. Some strippers might let you feel on her tits and ass during the lap dance which is against the HOUSE RULES but if the dancer allows it, it’s ok. Therefore take your time choosing the stripper or strippers that you decide to get a lap dance from. Take your time and talk to them, see which one of them you get the most “giving” feeling from, look for the flirtiest and friendliest. Don’t just flat out ask them which one will let you touch the most in a lap dance. You’re going to sound like a desperate perv and at the same time frighten the girl. Do your research, use your best judgment and once again TAKE YOUR TIME! Oh yeah, and don’t be a jack ass if she was extra giving to you be extra giving to her. (TIP:$3-$5 EXTRA BUCKS CAN GO ALONG WAY IN A STRIPPERS EYES) Now that you’re a lap dance connoisseur sit back, relax, and enjoy ;)

The Beginning, My First Strip Club Experience

Let me start at the beginning, when I first started attending strip clubs and what I imagined my strip club experience would be like. I Promise to make it short and not bore you with the details.
Before I was old enough to attend the strip club, I imagined and dreamed about what going to a strip club would be like. Fueled by what I had seen in movies, music videos, and heard from other people, the moment I turned 18 I headed to the closest strip club possible ready to have the time of my life and party the night away with naked women, as I had imagined for so long. To my surprise my first strip club experience was nothing like I imagined. My inexperience, fear/nervousness and desperation got the best of me. FYI, (STRIPPERS CAN SMELL FEAR, INEXPERIENCE, LOW SELF ESTEEM AND DESPERATION FROM A MILE AWAY) But we’ll get into that a little later. 

I sat at a table with my money in hand, looking all around and trying not to seem too nervous or anxious, but that was no use. After sitting at the table for no longer than 15-20 min that felt like an eternity, I built up the courage and made my way to the stage where there was a dancer currently beginning her set and took a seat “FINALLY SHOW TIME!!” I sat at the stage anxious, waiting for her to come my way, feeling as excited as a kid at Christmas. It was finally my turn! She came up to me bent over shook her ass and boobs in front of me as I threw several dollars in amazement. The dancer clearly seeing my inexperience stayed at my corner of the stage encouraging me to keep throwing dollars at her (Go figure). It felt great! I felt like the man!!  The dancer finished her set and got off stage.

Let’s fast forward a little, the night progressed and I got approached by several strippers who had seen my amateur display at the stage and proceeded to tell me how cute I was and how much they would like for me to get a dance from them.(TIP: THEY’RE ALWAYS WATCHING AND BY THEY I MEAN THE STRIPPERS) Again, my inexperience made got the best of me because I believed every single word they told me and proceeded to get several dances that night at $30.00 per song, each song lasting between 2-3 minutes.(TIP: DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING THEY TELL YOU, YOU KNOW WHO I MEAN BY THEM) The stripper that performed my first dance (God bless her heart) failed to tell mention the rates and rules of a lap dance and 3 songs later I owed $90.00?! You live and you learn my friends, I just hope that my experience will save you from making the same mistake. But we’ll get into lap dances a little later.

Ok, So now its 4:00 AM, I’ve sat at the stage and tipped like crazy, got several dances, more than I would’ve liked from a certain stripper and it’s time to go home. I jump in my car, my testosterone is pumping and my wallet is empty???... Sure I had fun, but is this feeling of being a sucker, normal? It saddens me to say that this occurred a dozen more times after my first strip club experience. I asked several people I knew what they’re opinion of the strip club was and how it worked and the answers I got were “At the strip club everyone’s just another number and nothing more, that you can only attract a stripper with money and that the strip club is meant to take your money and send you home broke” Me being an optimist, I refused to believe that and set out to prove that those theories were not entirely true.  I am not denying that the strip club is there to profit off of its customer, “This is the United States and all businesses must make a profit to keep their doors open.”  What I refuse to accept is that you will never be more than just another number to the club or the dancers, that you can only attract a stripper with money and that the strip club is meant to take all your money and send you home broke and horny”.

Since my first strip club experience 10 years have passed. I’ve visited numerous strip clubs, met numerous strippers , lived some of the wildest times of my life (wink, wink) and with all this still managed to leave home not even close to broke and sometimes even some breakfast and desert a stripper after the club(wink, wink). Big improvement from my first time experiences, huh? My methods have not only worked for me but for many of my friends and I am sure they will be effective for you as well.

WARNING: StripclubEtiquette101  IS NOT REPONSIBLE FOR YOU HOOKING UP WITH A STRIPPER OR STRIPPERSSS AND HAVING SOME OF THE WILDEST TIMES YOU ONLY SEE IN MOVIES AND HEAR ABOUT IN STORIES , FOR YOU BECOMING A VIP AT YOUR STRIP CLUB OF CHOICE, AND FOR LEAVING THE STRIP CLUB WITH TOO MUCH MONEY.