Lap Dance Etiquette; What's a Lap Dance, What to Expect from a Lap Dance, and Lap Dance rules.

Lap Dance (Lap.dance): An erotic dance performed on a couch or chair by a naked or topless dancer where straddling, grinding and dancing in a sexual manner occurs over the customers lap.

A lap dance is the closest thing to sex at the strip club with a stripper. The key word of my previous statement would be CLOSEST. Like close but no cigar. I’m not saying that you won’t come across random dancers at random strip clubs that may be willing to pleasure you for a price you later negotiate behind a curtain in the VIP room. But trust me my friends, no matter how tempting this may sound, any kind of sex at a strip club with a stripper that provides sexual favors for money might not be the best thing for your health. If sex is what you’re looking for, the strip club is the wrong place to look for it and even less the wrong place to have it.

Are you still on board for a lap dance? OK, let’s move forward. Before you decide to get a lap dance find out what the strip club or THE HOUSE charges for a lap dance. This is a flat rate that is set up by the strip club or HOUSE and this rate applies for all the strippers. No one stripper should charge you more for a lap dance than another, so if a stripper tries to charge you more than what the HOUSE rate is please make sure that she knows that you know the rates and you’re not a “sucker”. (TIP: DON’T GET CLASSIFIED AS A SUCKER) Later on we’ll get a little more in detail about what strippers consider a “sucker”.

All strip clubs have more or less the same rates when it comes to lap dances. Rates can vary from $25 all the way up to $50 per lap dance. Always keep in mind, that the lap dance fee only covers one song, any additional songs after the first song are an additional $25 or whatever the lap dance fee is for that club. DO NOT EXPECT THE STRIPPER TO TELL YOU WHEN THE SONG IS OVER, THE MOST YOU’LL GET FROM HER, IF YOUR LUCKY IS “DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP GOING?” NOT “DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP GOING FOR AN ADDITIONAL $50 PER SONG.” Take my first strip club experience as an example; I see scenarios constantly. A guy goes in for 1 dance, lets the girl dance 5 songs and know owes $125.00 in lap dances! The guy is now upset at the club, upset at the dancer, and feels cheated out of his money. He now has to pay for the dances or refuse and most probably get the crap kicked out of him at the hands of a bouncer or bouncers. Do not let this happen to you. (TIP: DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK THE DANCERS OR STAFF QUESTIONS, YOUR SILENCE MAY END UP COSTING YOU MONEY OR IN WORSE CASES A BLACK EYE.)

Last but not least there are the rules set forth by the club for lap dances. Lap dance rules are usually the same for all strip clubs. Following these rules will secure you not getting thrown out of the club or in worse cases getting the crap kicked out of you for getting out of line. Below’s a list of the most common and most important rules when it comes to lap dances.

-DO NOT ASK FOR A LAP DANCE IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY FOR IT.

-BE RESPECTFUL WITH THE DANCERS AT ALL TIMES.

-THE DANCER CAN TOUCH YOU BUT YOU CANNOT TOUCH THE DANCERS. BY TOUCHING I MEAN:

NO GRABBING, NO LICKING, NO MOTOR BOATING, NO SUCKING OR BITING THE DANCERS.

-KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON AT ALL TIMES

-DO NOT EXPOSE URSELF TO THE DANCERS, (KEEP IT IN YOU PANTS, BUDDY!!)

-THERE ARE NO REFUNDS.

So far we’ve gone over what a lap dance is, what to expect from a lap dance, the pricing of a lap dance and the House rules for a lap dance. Now let’s talk about the stripper, erotic dancer or whatever else you want to call them that you choose to get the lap dance from. Don’t let your genitals fool you, “The stripper that you’re most attracted to might be and might not be the best choice for your lap dance.” What do I mean by that, well from my experience some strippers are more GIVING than others. By giving I mean that even though the HOUSE RULES are no touching, some strippers might let you get away with more than others will. Some strippers might let you feel on her tits and ass during the lap dance which is against the HOUSE RULES but if the dancer allows it, it’s ok. Therefore take your time choosing the stripper or strippers that you decide to get a lap dance from. Take your time and talk to them, see which one of them you get the most “giving” feeling from, look for the flirtiest and friendliest. Don’t just flat out ask them which one will let you touch the most in a lap dance. You’re going to sound like a desperate perv and at the same time frighten the girl. Do your research, use your best judgment and once again TAKE YOUR TIME! Oh yeah, and don’t be a jack ass if she was extra giving to you be extra giving to her. (TIP:$3-$5 EXTRA BUCKS CAN GO ALONG WAY IN A STRIPPERS EYES) Now that you’re a lap dance connoisseur sit back, relax, and enjoy ;)